We believe people are born with a basic understanding of universal morality. This may be referred to as our “conscience” or our “spirit”. We see this as what was intended to guide our mind and body to live well based on a set of basic values. However, when we face a moral conundrum, we can be led astray. This fragments our system, dividing us from what we knew to be right in our conscience.

 

Inner fragmentation of our minds can happen for a number of reasons. It could be something as simple as choosing to go against mommy’s rule of not touching the cookies because our mouth is watering with desire. This may not lead to a major inner division, but a small enough wandering from our moral core that we eventually end up with a form of cognitive dissonance. This is when we experience incongruent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes. 

 

We argue that everyone experiences a variety of conflicting beliefs and knowingly goes against rules they ought to follow. From Wizard’s Rules we learn that “willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self.” What is treason? It is separating one’s self from the side they were previously aligned with. It is a violation of the rules of engagement that allow unity to be maintained. If a part of ourselves participates agreeably with incongruent thinking, it has to reject what we knew to be true. This creates a new mindset within us.

 

Inner division occurs more dramatically when we encounter trauma, whether acute (experienced suddenly) or chronic (experienced over time). Chronic abuse likely shapes the mind to think in unhealthy ways, which are contrary to our inherent values. In this case, it is nearly impossible to avoid developing unhealthy perceptions of ourselves and others. However, this does not imply we have lost our healthy perceptions. Rather, we have had many experiences that have planted and reinforced new negative ones.

 

The conflict between negative and healthy perceptions is cognitive dissonance. It’s as if there is a war being waged within ourselves and we are on both sides. Each side represents a part of us and holds reminiscences of our original identity and values. It’s as if our core identity and values were frozen in time. When we experienced the trauma or moral conundrum, it was tainted or warped. The good news is we can pull at any thread of this new personality that exists within us to find our way back to our true identity. 

 

Our reactions are intended to benefit us. Our system is constantly trying to work for our good, be it for safety, comfort, respect, or something else. Though we have mindsets that have been led astray, they are likely unaware of how misguided they are. In fact, the different mindsets we develop think they are right. It is other parts of our system that are aware of how wrong they actually are, which results in the ongoing war of words we notice as our inner chatter. 

 

Racing and ruminating thoughts are two ways that parts of us try to get our attention about things they perceive as important. We often try to ignore these thoughts because they can feel bothersome or annoying. They may keep us up at night or distract us from important tasks. Suppressing or numbing these thoughts is usually an unhealthy thing to do. These may be necessary strategies if we need to get through a crisis or initial trauma. Overtime, it will be necessary to face these perceptions to discover their purpose.

 

Every perception in us holds a belief and a role it is attempting to play in our favor. The nature of the belief itself can give us clues to its origin. It could be “life isn’t fair”, “no one is safe and trustworthy”, or “I have to look out for myself”. We can imagine the life experiences behind these beliefs and the necessary roles they end up playing. From the outside, paranoia may appear illogical, but serves the purpose of keeping us safe from previously experienced danger that we are expecting to encounter again. Overeating could be a response to a lack of food growing up. Outbursts of anger could be a defense mechanism developed from being bullied. Upon deeper examination, it is surprising how logical the roots and rationale of our poor behavior can be.

 

As we begin processing our varied beliefs and the experiences behind them, it is unhelpful to assume these parts of us are correct in their thinking. However, it is healing to validate their experiences and the impression they left. One example of visualizing how we can validate without agreeing with our perception is to imagine a small child afraid of a bully who is a few inches taller. As an adult, we can easily see how harmless the bully is, but when we stoop down to the child’s level, we can see how much bigger the bully appears. We can validate the fear by saying “I see why you are scared, he looks big to you”. We are not agreeing that the threat is real, just the feelings.

 

This kind of empathetic interaction is beneficial to both our own system and the systems of others. We can understand more easily how to talk to these inner parts by listening to them like we would a friend. We would show compassion to a friend by listening intently to their concerns without dramatically shutting them down. In contrast, we often invalidate parts of ourselves by suppressing or rejecting them before attempting to understand the deep pain behind their perceptions. We would not treat a friend that way but we somehow justify this treatment for ourselves. We are human and we should expect that our inner system requires the same dignified approach others do. 

 

Tuning into the intricate thoughts and feelings of our inner parts requires mindfulness. Mindfulness means becoming aware of what is transpiring inside us and around us. Think of a moment when you were looking at someone for a long period of time and then noticed something behind them or in the peripheral that did not stand out before. You were looking at it, but not enough to notice and appreciate it. We must draw attention to activity inside of us that has been there for a while that we have not yet gained an appreciation or understanding of.

 

The more we attune with our inner activity, the more we bring peace to it and therefore, healing. Genuine attention manifests love and our systems are designed to respond remarkably to it. Oxytocin is released which helps us feel peace, connection, belonging, and joy. Verbally acknowledging our inner thoughts and feelings activates regions of the brain and creates more dynamic neural pathways, which increases logic and our capacity to solve problems. Consistently doing this work integrates our brain so we have more access to all of ourselves.

 

We can expect to find more peace after deeply acknowledging each part of our system. However, if we rush this work or simply try to calm our system, we may invalidate our system and face resistance in the interaction. Again, just as we would not rush a hurting friend who needs us to sit with them, we cannot rush these parts of us which need us to prove we can safely sit with them over minutes, hours, days, and months. In this way, we regain our ability to live out of our core identity and values, first for ourselves and then for others, making us consistent in who we are and how we live.