Parts of a Whole | Therapy Notes

A Search for Our Core Self

It is commonly known that our bodies and brains are made up of parts with unique functions. However, many attempt to present themselves as a consistent set of characteristics that make up their identity. We refer to our less appreciated attributes of insecurity or bitterness as random emotions that occur in any given moment without crediting them with a part in our identity. We make statements like “well you made me mad” or “people like that make me sick”, without enough consideration of a deep wound being triggered or a pattern of thinking guiding our reactions.

Think of a time you have said, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, that isn’t like me”, or “I’m not feeling myself today, I didn’t mean to say that”. These are all ways that we attempt to communicate the complexity of our inner system of unique parts. Since we do not see most people in most settings, we may not realize how normal it is to have different sides.

Behavior is expression. It means something about how we perceive ourselves and the world, which originates from early childhood experiences, often being planted in us before we were even born. Biology plays a significant role, the families and environments that we grow up in. Our initial impressions of reality are formed during our formative years. These impressions guide our reactions to moral dilemmas that lead us to align with certain behaviors and thinking which typically remain with us throughout our lives.

The result is many inaccurate perceptions of reality, most of which we are unaware of. New relationships, especially in school, marriage or employment bring about experiences which begin to conflict with how others perceive reality. Many misinterpret these conflicts as the fault of others or end up devaluing themselves, instead of knowing how to self-reflect to adjust their perspectives. Some withdraw from relationships and isolate, developing depression and anxiety disorders and possibly self-harming behaviors. Others retaliate and develop thick skin, learning to fight to be heard and remain alert in order to self-protect. These protective features become unique parts of our character, planted in different regions of the brain, meant to keep us safe.

We automatically think and act out of these parts when triggered by experiences similar to ones responsible for their origin. Attempting to introduce ourselves to others or make sense of ourselves as unified or as one single personality, only serves to dismiss these parts and cause them to operate undercover, without our awareness. Multiple Personality Disorder is an example of when “parts” are out of control, adapting extreme unhealthy behaviors. The typical person is similar by having several more socially acceptable personalities. Cultures which pathologize having multiple personalities confuse people about their natural complexity, incentivizing secrecy about signs of this inner conflict.

Our hope is to identify the core self, the control center, and with it begin observing the variety of thoughts, perceptions and feelings we have which reveal each part. With nonjudgmental attention, courage and acceptance, we can unburden and heal wounds we have held onto for years, therefore releasing false impressions of reality that influence our interactions. It is basic work, though easily overlooked and avoided, because it means facing our fears, demons or whatever we call the many realities stored inside us. However, I have never found something more basic I can do that has such a significant payoff, impacting every area of life. Changing our perspective of reality, changes our reality itself.

What next…

For more reading or help, explore Internal Family Systems Therapy and the work of Dr. Richard Schwartz. My understanding of parts originated with his work and my use of his therapy.